One of my favorite ways to get through these last few weeks before I get to see my boyfriend, D, in America, is to talk about the things we’re going to do when we are together.
“We are going to be the sickeningly-sweetest couple Western Mass has ever seen!”
“Kissin’, huggin…”
“Hands in each other’s back pockets.”
“It will be the biggest show of P.D.A. ever!”
“We will be vomit-inducing.”
“Mmhmm.”
“We will knock over small children because we’re trying to walk and make-out at the same time.”
I think everyone has certain expectations about the person they wish to marry. For me, I will marry someone with a college education. He will like dogs, and he won’t be an artist. He might be tall.
Then there are also certain things you don’t want, certain things that need to be the way you want them- to use a Sex in the City term: deal-breakers. This is probably the hardest thing about being a Jew in America.
My parents are adamant that I marry a Jew. With Holocaust-surviving grandparents, it’s easy to see where that comes from. And in truth, I want to marry a Jew for my own reasons. To me, family wouldn’t be family with Judaism. That’s where the “family” comes in- Passover, bar mitzvahs, and Shabbat. As a non-practicing, non-religious person, my only real experience of Judaism is family. If it wasn’t there, I wouldn’t be Jewish at all. And being a Jew is important to me, whether or not I believe in God.
But finding Jewish people to date isn’t easy, even at a school like Brandeis. In the town where I grew up, it was basically impossible. I learned I have no problems dating non-Jews, and didn’t want to think about it until I was of “the marrying age.” To this day, I haven’t had a serious relationship with a Jew.
My last serious relationship started when I was still technically a teenager. Now I’m crossing into that category of “young twenty-something.” And twenty-somethings get married. Am I getting too old to date people I know I could never marry?
All of this comes up today because I have a date. With someone not in college, not Jewish, and ironcially, he’s Lebanese. But he is attractive, sweet, and appears to be a good conversationalist.
Clearly, it is bad timing. But is the timing an issue of international proportions? Or am I too old for the idea that a good date is all it takes to smooth over decades of a serious inability to get along?
Is it even worth my time to get involved with someone from the other side of the border?
Am I too old to date whomever I want?
(all taken from actual profiles on one of those dating sites)
1. “I am an inspired reader of Fantasy literature and manga. I also love RPGs.”
2. “I study Japanese sword technique.”
3. “I have superb computing skills including: left click, right click, scroll wheel, and the delete key. “
4. “I wouldn’t say I excell at anything…”
5. “People say I look like Brad Pitt.”
6. “People say I look like Jesus.”
7. “I’m cynical by nature…”
8. “If I weren’t me, I’d wish I was me.”
9. “I haven’t gotten a haircut since 2001.”
10. “Can’t wait to hear from you. Naked.”
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