Tragedy

I am finally back in England, and happy to be so.   I just got back from Italy, where I spent New Years with a couple friends from college.   I caught a bug on the plane back from Italy and am sick now, which made my travels home pretty miserable, but I have tea and am looking forward to recovery. I will share more about my Italy trip later when I get my pictures uploaded.

Unfortunately I came back to some bad news. My mother hadn’t wanted to tell me while I was traveling, but when I got back there was an email saying that one of my brother’s best friends from high school had been killed.

Apparently he was walking along the highway at 4:50 am (no one knows why) and got hit by a tractor trailer truck. That night my brother had thrown a big party for the Patriots game and all of his friends were at our house, but his friend had other plans that night and went to someone else’s house.  He left their house in the middle of the night, and ended up on the highway.  It’s a mystery that will haunt everyone for a very long time.

I didn’t know him that well. Of all my brother’s friends he was pretty quiet and we never really talked. He was around alot though, and I can see his face. I think he gave me a ride once too. He was a sweet kid, a college freshman and always seemed happy.  Everyone is just completely confused. Why was he on the highway?  What was going through his mind?  I can’t even imagine what his family is going through.  I know my brother is taking it very hard.

Death is always hard, and the death of a young person is always harder.  But when it’s a death like this, a giant question mark, it is the hardest.

My First Turkey Day Away

This marks the first year that I have not spent Thanksgiving with my family.   It’s a little lonely, and I am bummed about missing out on some of the amazing food items.  Mostly, I just would like to be enveloped in that holiday warmth that only family, woodstoves, and hot mulled cider can produce.

The good news, however, is that I have my memories to warm me.  Honestly, I almost don’t need to be there, because I can imagine the entire day in my head, and I’m pretty confident I’d get it right.

It would go a little something like this:

9:00  I would be woken up by Bella, my cousin’s adorable shitzu.  My cousin, visiting from Florida, and I would be sharing a bed because my father’s friend and his daughter, visiting from China, would be staying in the guest room.  

9:15   I would be inspired to get out of bed by noises in the kitchen.  Our youngest guest, the little one from China, will be running around the house.  Mom will already be in the kitchen, cooking.  Dad will be running around, running errands, running.

10:30  Mom is stressed out because she’s running out of time to cook.  Dad will be stressed because Mom is stressed.  Mom will be yelling down the hallway for Brother to stop playing computer games and cook the stuffed mushrooms he was so excited about making.  My cousin will still be in bed.

11:30  Dad will want to leave in a half hour.  Mom will cry she’s not ready!  Dad will ask my cousin if she’s ready.  She still has to take a shower.  Dad starts getting frustrated.

12:30  We’re bordering on late now.  Mom’s putting the finishing touches on the food, and trying to figure out a way to transport all the dishes in the car.  Brother is playing computer games.  Dad’s friend from China is trying to wrestle his daughter into her coat and boots.  Cousin is still blowdrying her hair.

1:30  We finally leave for my Aunt and Uncle’s house.  Cousin still has to do her makeup and get dressed, so she decides to take one of the spare cars and meet us there.

2:00  We arrive at my Aunt and Uncle’s house.  Grandma and Grandpa and my Grandma-in-law are already there.   So are my Uncle’s siblings.  And our good friends and neighbors.  My two other cousins (children of Aunt and Uncle) have been waiting for my brother and me.  Everybody’s eating.

The pre-dinner nosh includes but is not limited to:

• stuffed mushrooms
• marinated beef stick in orange sauce
• veggies with dip
• pita chips with hummous and olive spread
• hot, mulled cider
• wine and beer 

2:30  I am upstairs in my cousin’s room trying on her clothes.  Floridian cousin arrives with Bella and everyone fusses over the two of them.  Everyone eats, cooks, talks, drinks, and snaps pictures on digital cameras for quite a while.

4:30-5ish   We eat.  The cousins will usually claim one end of the table, which is actually three tables put end-to-end.  Uncle will usually sit with us kids.  My Aunt will make a little speech about being thankful, and it will be good and set a good tone.  Grandpa will stand up and sing the French national anthem, and we will all laugh and clap.   This alters the tone, but it’s just as good.  Then we eat.

Dinner includes, but is not limited to: 

• turkey
• stuffing
• gravy
• vegetarian stuffing
• mashed potatoes
• peas and onions
• mashed turnips
• roasted root vegetables
• various chutneys
• cranberry sauces
• something “ethnic” and completely non-traditional

6:30  We all lean back from the table, in a collective food coma.  The talking and joking slows down.  One by one the kids leave the table and recline near the TV.  Adults clear, and chide the kids for not helping.  (Did I mention all the “kids” are unhelpful teenagers?) 

7:30  All of us kids are completely focused on the TV until we hear shouts of “dessert!” coming from the other room.  We slowly get up, wondering how we can possibly keep eating.  And there is pie.  There is a lot of pie.  

Dessert includes but is not limited to:

• 2 or 3 apple pies
• 2 pecan pies
• 2 or 3 pumpkin pies
  
• 2 mince pies
• 2 flavors of ice cream
• cookies
• chocolate covered gellies
• tea and coffee
  

9:00  Things are cleaned up and friends and neighbors start to head home.  When it’s only the family left standing, we bring out a dictionary and start to play.  The game is to pick an obscure word from the dictionary, mix in the real definition with our own made-up definitions, and vote on which is real.  It’s a favorite, especially since the year Grandma was identified as the person who made up the infamous definition: “a buffalo in heat.”

11:00  We eventually go home, and sleep. 

Watching TV With My Parents

This may sound like a humor piece, but in reality, it makes me want to tear out my hair, froth at the mouth, and throw myself into a giant blender.

*Show blares, loudly, clearly, and in high definition*

Dad:  Is that Lynona Ryder?

Me:  No, Dad, first of all it’s Winona Ryder, and it’s not her, it’s Hillary Swank.

*Phone rings on tv*

Mom:  Is that the phone?

Me:  No, Mom.  It’s the TV.

Dad:  Wait, why are they fighting?

Me:  I’m not explaining the plot to you, again, Dad.

*Star of the show enters wearing a ridiculous wig*

Mom:  Is that the same girl?

*Mom absentmindedly takes my bag of popcorn out of my hands and starts eating it*

Me:  Hey!

*Mom doesn’t hear me*

Me:  Sigh…

Dad:  Wait, what did she say?  Rewind it.

Me:  It’s a TV show Dad, we can’t rewind it.

*Dad’s phone rings.  We have to mute the TV.*

Mom:  Wait, I can’t hear it.

Me:  Mom, we muted it.

Mom:  Oh.  *Eats more of my popcorn*

*Un-mute the TV*

Dad:  Is that Shinona Ryder?

Me:  IT’S DEBRA MESSING!

Dad:  Wait, I don’t understand, what’s going on?

Me:  I don’t know Dad, I missed it too.

*Phone rings on TV, actress answers it*

Mom:  Is that the phone?

*Actress:  I told you never to call here again!*

Mom: Did anyone get the phone?

Me:  It was the TV MOM!

Dad:  Wait, why are they fighting?  What’s going to happen?

Me:  I DON’T KNOW DAD, I WASN’T GIVEN AN ADVANCE COPY OF THE SCRIPT!

Mom:  Who is that actress?

Me:  DEBRA MESSING DEBRA MESSING DEBRA MESSING!

*Commercial break*

*Mom finished my popcorn*

*Show begins again*

Mom:  Is that the girl from Will and Grace?

*Phone rings on TV*

Mom:  Can someone get that?

Healing with Technology

My grandfather managed to stay with his father up until the very end, at Auschwitz. When his father died he had no one left. My grandmother, the youngest of six, arrived at Auschwitz with one brother and her mother, and was separated from them the moment she got there. The only other person in her family to survive was her eldest brother, who escaped to Russia before ghetto. He lives in Israel now, and they would only see each other once more in both their lifetimes, when my grandmother scraped together enough money to visit him.

After the camps were liquidated, both grandparents made their way back to Lodz, where they grew up. My grandfather found a friend. My grandmother found two sisters she knew, and arrived on their doorstep. “Rushka, have something to eat.” They said. “No, I’m fine.” My grandmother said, and promptly fainted. That’s how the story goes anyway. My grandfather’s friend was dating one of the sisters, and as a group the five of them travelled to America.

My grandparents were the first Holocaust survivors to get married in New York. The Times covered their wedding and they received $600 in wedding gifts from total strangers, which at the time, was alot for an immigrant couple fresh off the boat. They have not spent a single night apart from each other since. You can imagine the kind of dependence they had for each other. My dad says that my grandmother would wait and just stare out the window in the evenings waiting for him. They have both been so afraid their whole lives.

So, my grandmother’s passing is nothing less than traumatic for my grandfather. Burned into my retinas for the rest of my life is the image of him leaning into her coffin screaming, “How could you leave me here alone?”

My dad is still staying with him in Florida. Yesterday I set up an AOL account for my grandfather, filled his address book with all the family’s email addresses, and sent him an email with pictures, an email with links to things like the New York Times, and to my new blog about going to England. Today my dad dragged him to the Apple store. We think he really is afraid of computers because he is self conscious about his spelling- English being his second language and all. Sometimes he writes “Leha” on my birthday cards.

My dad showed him his AOL account on the demo computer. He lit up when he saw the pictures of me and my brother and our cousins. My new blog about England is a multimedia blog, with videos, and when my grandpa saw the video and heard my voice, my dad said he got so excited and really understood what the point of this whole “internet” thing was anyway.

They bought him an iMac, and the cable gets installed tomorrow. They also bought him a cell phone with a camera and text messaging. Everyone in the family, especially us grandkids, are going to email him and text him photos of us every day.

A lot of people talk about the internet as something that isolates people- replacing human contact with anonymity and shallow communications. Hopefully, in this case, the computer will help my grandfather feel less lonely and fill up the empty stretch of days before him.

And hopefully he will figure out that on the internet, spelling really doesn’t matter.

Redesign and recommitment?

I’m back. I realize I’ve taken an unacceptably long vacation from this blog, which in the blogging world means I’m pretty much dead to you all. I do apologize, and hopefully I will be able to continue where I left off.

I thought a redesign might help. Do you like it?

So, here’s a little update on where I’m at and what’s going on. I am in my senior year now, and things are getting down to the wire. It’s my last semester and I have two months left to finish my mother-plucking thesis.  That part is scary, let’s move on.

I have one month until the next, and my last ever, Liquid Latex show.  As you may remember, last year I painted naked people with liquid latex for a show.  They were Ninja Turtles.  This year, as a senior, I am designing my own sketch.  I am super excited about it.  It’s like a joint ode to Tim Burton and William Shakespeare.

The plot of the dance is based on  a Midsummer Night’s Dream, and I’m calling it “A Midsummer Nightmare.”  If you are at all familiar with the play, I am substituting Jack the Pumpkin King and Sally (from The Nightmare Before Christmas) for Lysander and Hermia, Edward Scissorhands for Demetrius, Corpse Bride for Helena, and Beetlejuice for Puck.  The dance is to a medley of Danny Elfman music from the four movies that I mixed myself using Garageband.

So basically, that is my life.  Thesis, latex, my usual commitments to improv, sex counseloring, blogging, and classes.

As for my future, I have an opportunity (maybe) to go to Buenos Aires and stay with cousins and do some work with family planning agencies down there.  One of my cousins in particular (Hi Mariano!) prompted me to start blogging here again.  Since he doesn’t have Livejournal or Facebook, or any of the other (read: lazier) ways I communicate, this is the best way.

And speaking of Argentina, I am totally addicted to Hearts of Palm, which I first tried when I was 11 and visiting my cousins in Buenos Aires.  I only recently realized how easy it is to find here (Trader Joe’s!) and have been eating whole cans in one sitting.  Of course, it’s usually better when it’s in a jar… but I’m not made of money!  Poor college student, remember?